When a girl gets married, where there are many other problems or differences she faces; one common issue is that her in-laws usually doesn’t allow her to keep terms with her friends. It’s more than enough and be very kind of them if they let her continue her terms with family and relatives. But like any person, one needs a friend to spend some relaxing time.
Even a very cool husband doesn’t want his wife to spend time with friends or wills to let his wife keep family terms with her friends. Even many of the men expect a sudden cut off of wife with male cousins and their families. They need and expect full-time attention of their wife to their home and family right from the first day.
This norm is quite fine in a way that husband might be loving and caring and wants to keep her wife safe from any unusual happening in the society. Many girls are not aware of problems that they can face while keeping family terms with friends or cousins. Of course, if she will meet her friend, she will have terms with her male family members too and that can cause any kind of misunderstanding according to our cultural values. Even that doesn’t mean that he doesn’t trust her; though he doesn’t afford any negative comments for her wife from anyone..!!
But my point is if it’s that so. then why does he expect that his wife is very nice to his brothers, friends, and colleagues???????
After marriage brother in laws are allowed to be frank with their brother’s wife even in our conservative families. She had to take care of them if they are younger, serve them food, do their laundry and much more. She must accept their frankness even if she is the reserved type of girl and if she doesn’t she will be blamed. As husband cannot change his family trends, his wife has to meet his male family relatives, serve them, have conversations with them and no one feels anything wrong about it.
Same husbands expect from their wives to keep terms with his friends and colleagues families. He proudly invites his friends or colleagues with families over dinners or parties and increases their social circle. And ladies accept this option as there is no other way to find a company. They are just allowed to make friends with their husband friends wives only..!! Something is better than nothing. Years go on and this social circle gets bigger and bigger. Get together, dinners, bar be que parties, picnics go on and go on.
Its definitely not case of everyone but the majority of the girls goes through this in our society. If one is such a possessive and caring husband then he must give the same scenario to his wife at home. It perfectly fine and right of a Muslim husband to let his wife stay away from any act that can harm her. If the husband wants to keep his wife away from any male relative then he must not let his male relatives interfere in their life. If a husband can’t continue terms with her friends’ families he must not even ask her to make terms with his huge circle of friends’ families.
Problems arise when there is no balance when there is a conflict between your act and your thinking. Girls marry having lots of dreams in their eyes and all the expectations are from husbands. If luckily they find a social, understanding and friendly husband then he must act generously with his wife and related people. She is marrying you, not killing her emotions, values, interests, and deeds. You can build and nourish a better home by respecting her values and implementing same rules in home. Being a husband you have full authority to decide value and norms for your family, but once you make a decision you must stand with her to implement it.
Just think how many times you have gone on parties or picnics or dinners with your wife friends families?? She also needs some space..!! From very first day not after spending many years of marriage, you tell her okay do whatever you want to.
Let her make friends, let her follow her hobbies and interests, let her also care for her parents and family too, let her make choices.
She is your wife, not puppet..!!
Live life..!! Make it beautiful for your spouses too 🙂